Psalm 37:3-4 "Trust in the Lord, and do good dwell in the land
and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart."
and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart."
I don't know sometimes... what I write feels like just words, like they don't even matter. But I write anyways hoping that someone might learn from my mistakes... that I may learn from my mistakes... that maybe somehow in me writing, I may take what I know and apply it. I don't know it all just seems so frivolous. But anyways.... here's what I've been going through lately, and try to hang with me. I know I'm not the greatest writer and this is going to be hard to put into words.
Priorities. Yikes, how that word brings up so many thoughts and emotions. Just sit and dwell on it a little bit. If you're like me at all, defense is the first choice. Mine are good. I mean I love God, that's all that matters right? He is a priority on the list. He is involved in my day, but I still have other things I have to do, as well. These are just some of the thoughts that flow into my mind. I try to rationalize the fact that God is not at the forefront of my life, or my decisions, at all times. I am constantly forgetting. Forgetting how he is a jealous God, and a God who wants all of me. He does not want bits a pieces, or the leftovers. Whenever I put anything before him in my life that automatically becomes an idol and god to me. This can be anything, even things that are not sinful in themselves, relationships, ministries, just everyday life (just anything that comes between you and your focus on God and his will).
Selfishness. It's another word that I would deny is me in a heartbeat. I do things for other people. I hold the door for people. I'm nice. I care. I buy my friends food... but if we get down to it the majority, if not all, of our thoughts, words, actions are centered around what is best for us. This is the main thing that gets in the way of us and God. I believe that almost, and most likely, every single sin can be traced back to pride or selfishness in some way. Why do we think that we know what is better for us over God? It dumbfounds me. In my time of distress, I quickly start looking for solutions, which is a bad thing necessarily, but those solutions come from me, and my thinking, and what I think is best for me. And yet I say God is a priority. A part of my life. Here's the thing and listen to me close... God does not want to be "a" priority in our lives. He wants to be "the" priority. In fact, He demands nothing less. He will not accept anything less. How can I profess one thing with my mouth, and live in a different manner? How can I say God is Lord of my life and not show it in every thing big, small, important, minuscule, routine that I do? God will not except my lukewarmness! He will spit me out! I know that it seems like I'm preaching but this is something that is hitting me harder than it will probably hit any of you.
The Priority. God. Simple as that right? Yes... really it is. How can it be that simple though? Reread the verse at the top of the page. This is what I got out of it, in the context of priorities, and the desires of my heart. God does not just want to on the list of priorities you have, he wants to be the essence, the fulfillment, the basis for all of those priorities. I want so much in my life... a girlfriend, friends, acknowledgment, encouragement, to do ministry, to be stronger, the list goes on and on and on. I yearn for a lot of these things, and some of them are not bad, but when I yearn for them more than I yearn for God, that's where we have a problem, where I have a problem. But doesn't God want me to have the desires of my heart? Doesn't the Bible say that he will give them to me? This is the conclusion that I have made about that, and it's something that has changed my outlook on my desires, my priorities, the way I think, and the way I look at my life. If God is the priority, the essence of everything that I do, if I first delight myself in Him, then my priorities, my desires, will match his desires. His heart will take the place of my heart. His heart will take the place of my heart. His heart will take the place of my heart. Everything falls into perspective. I no longer yearn for a wife as much, because I yearn for God, and trust that his judgment and timing is better than mine. I no longer yearn for approval or acknowledgment, because I know I am God's and he is mine, and he has chosen me, specifically. Now does this give me all the answers, absolutely not. It gives me hope, and love, and peace. Things that only God's own heart can give fully. So I set my eyes on him. Knowing that he is God (I am, that I am). Praying that I delight myself in him, with a steadfast mind and heart, so that his desires will become my desires, and his heart will take the place of my heart.
where austin use to stand,
his humble servant now kneels.
Priorities. Yikes, how that word brings up so many thoughts and emotions. Just sit and dwell on it a little bit. If you're like me at all, defense is the first choice. Mine are good. I mean I love God, that's all that matters right? He is a priority on the list. He is involved in my day, but I still have other things I have to do, as well. These are just some of the thoughts that flow into my mind. I try to rationalize the fact that God is not at the forefront of my life, or my decisions, at all times. I am constantly forgetting. Forgetting how he is a jealous God, and a God who wants all of me. He does not want bits a pieces, or the leftovers. Whenever I put anything before him in my life that automatically becomes an idol and god to me. This can be anything, even things that are not sinful in themselves, relationships, ministries, just everyday life (just anything that comes between you and your focus on God and his will).
Selfishness. It's another word that I would deny is me in a heartbeat. I do things for other people. I hold the door for people. I'm nice. I care. I buy my friends food... but if we get down to it the majority, if not all, of our thoughts, words, actions are centered around what is best for us. This is the main thing that gets in the way of us and God. I believe that almost, and most likely, every single sin can be traced back to pride or selfishness in some way. Why do we think that we know what is better for us over God? It dumbfounds me. In my time of distress, I quickly start looking for solutions, which is a bad thing necessarily, but those solutions come from me, and my thinking, and what I think is best for me. And yet I say God is a priority. A part of my life. Here's the thing and listen to me close... God does not want to be "a" priority in our lives. He wants to be "the" priority. In fact, He demands nothing less. He will not accept anything less. How can I profess one thing with my mouth, and live in a different manner? How can I say God is Lord of my life and not show it in every thing big, small, important, minuscule, routine that I do? God will not except my lukewarmness! He will spit me out! I know that it seems like I'm preaching but this is something that is hitting me harder than it will probably hit any of you.
The Priority. God. Simple as that right? Yes... really it is. How can it be that simple though? Reread the verse at the top of the page. This is what I got out of it, in the context of priorities, and the desires of my heart. God does not just want to on the list of priorities you have, he wants to be the essence, the fulfillment, the basis for all of those priorities. I want so much in my life... a girlfriend, friends, acknowledgment, encouragement, to do ministry, to be stronger, the list goes on and on and on. I yearn for a lot of these things, and some of them are not bad, but when I yearn for them more than I yearn for God, that's where we have a problem, where I have a problem. But doesn't God want me to have the desires of my heart? Doesn't the Bible say that he will give them to me? This is the conclusion that I have made about that, and it's something that has changed my outlook on my desires, my priorities, the way I think, and the way I look at my life. If God is the priority, the essence of everything that I do, if I first delight myself in Him, then my priorities, my desires, will match his desires. His heart will take the place of my heart. His heart will take the place of my heart. His heart will take the place of my heart. Everything falls into perspective. I no longer yearn for a wife as much, because I yearn for God, and trust that his judgment and timing is better than mine. I no longer yearn for approval or acknowledgment, because I know I am God's and he is mine, and he has chosen me, specifically. Now does this give me all the answers, absolutely not. It gives me hope, and love, and peace. Things that only God's own heart can give fully. So I set my eyes on him. Knowing that he is God (I am, that I am). Praying that I delight myself in him, with a steadfast mind and heart, so that his desires will become my desires, and his heart will take the place of my heart.
where austin use to stand,
his humble servant now kneels.
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