Faint Not

He is the person I miss the most.

He is the person I wish I could see right now.
He is the man that I wish I could be like.
If only I could go back and relive all those times we had together.

My heart feels a void without him, and he's not even gone yet.
I don't know what I'm suppose to feel right now, but sadness, hurt, anger, regret, are all that come to mind.
If only things could go back to how they were.
He doesn't even know who I am anymore.

I had to write a poem in a class, about the problem of theodicy (how can God allow evil in the world), I don't it just made me think more about him and it just saddened me even more. I don't know I just miss him a lot, and he has been on my heart for a long time now.

People just turn to unknown faces
And memories disappear, like a ship in the fog
I don't even remember where I am
Never have I been so afraid
How can god let this happen?
Under all that goodness why allow such suffering
"Run and get me that wrench so I can fix this here car."
There is no car there, I say to him
And the tears roll down our faces like a river.
Nothing can dam up these tears, these fears, these doubts.
Did he just forget about us, does he not care?
Joy is a foreign word to me, because I cannot see you, yet
Under your arms I am content.
Strength has left me, yet like a
Tree trunk you hold me up.
I know I shouldn't doubt you, rather I should be like the angels
Calling out "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord," because
Even in all the pain and hurt I know you are just, and that you love me.



I love you papa, and I miss you so much.

-a man who's heart is weary and hurt, but knows God love is steadfast and overwhelming.