God=Awesome, Incredible, Encouraging, Loving, Indescribable!!

Camp=Amazingness-yep I made that word up and don't care. But for real YOKE camp was awesome, God is awesome, the kids there were awesome, and all of the YOKE Folk are awesome. God continues to completely leave me speechless. Everyday I realize how much I need Him, and how much He loves to be needed by me! I'm still working on giving up complete control to Him, and this weekend only helped. I honestly think that I got just as much out of this weekend as they did. But I am still glad and thankful that He gives me the opportunity to witness to them. I can only pray that I have an influence on them that shows the love of Christ. Oh yea and I lost my voice, but it's all good. This week is going to be a good one, I think, it's funny when you start looking at things (or at least trying to) through Christ's point of view, you find yourself looking on the brighter sides of things too. I get to go home this week too, which will be good to see everyone. But I'm going to bed right now, I have a CLEP test at like 12ish or 1, but I just wanted to say how awesome, incredible, inspiring, encouraging, loving, and all around indescribable the God that I love and worship is! Goodnight.

Irony

Things are so ironic sometimes aren't they? And I believe that God uses irony to get our attention sometimes. For instance, I find it very ironic that for the past couple weeks I have been wanting to get things in line, like my priorities and stuff (i.e. my time, my money, my point of view on things). And in the past two weeks on numerous different occasions, in different classes and chapel, I have heard people talk about the importance of these things. Ironic right? I don't know maybe it's not really irony and it's just God pointing me in the right direction, with a friendly reminder. I don't know.

But on another note things are looking up still, this week has been good overall, I'm still working on some things, but I think I'm making progress. This whole putting God first thing really does work, who would of thought? I am almost ahead on my homework for once, I finished a huge project tonight, and I'm glad it's over with. It just sucks to think about the future ones that are coming up though. It's a never ending circle, but that's college, oh well. Oh, I have YOKE camp this weekend, I'm pretty excited for that. YOKE is a volunteer organization that I work with that is an outreach to junior high kids, it's a blast for sure.

Not to be a debbie downer or anything but I was thinking about my Papa today. I miss him. He lives in Kansas, and has Alzheimer's. He is still in the early stages, and it's more just dementia right now but I just wish I could see him right now. I love him so much, and him and I were like best friends when I lived in Kansas, we were so close. I miss that.

Sorry, didn't mean to get all sad but just like everything else I say on here, it's just stuff I need to vent. But I won't leave without trying to bring the mood back up a little. Registration for next semester are tomorrow, it's nuts to think that I'm almost half way done with my first year in college! Time is something that moves at the speed of light. I get to go home in like 9 days, that's cool stuff. I get to see my family and some other people that I miss. I'm actually am really excited to see them all. But I'm going to sleep now, cause I'm gonna wake up early (aka 5:40) so that I can actually get the classes I want, like piano (that's right I'm taking piano and I'm gonna be awesome at it, so ladies prepare your hearts to be melted, just kidding I probably won't be very good at it but it's something I've always wanted to do.) But anyways goodnight.

Relief

I think one of the greatest feelings in the world is when any kind of stress is taken off your shoulders. And when I found out that my book review was pushed back to next week experienced this feeling. God is so awesome. Now I completely know that He didn't move back this review just for me, but it is definitely a blessing. And the more I reflect on this feeling that I had, I realized that it should be more common in my life. I worry too much about the most minute things. God is the relief that I need to take refuge in. Yes when the book review was postponed I was happy, but the feeling only lasted till the point I realized that I still have a ton of homework plus it's not like I don't have to do that assignment anymore, it's still a requirement. But the point that I'm trying to get to, is that God is the only relief that can give that feeling in a complete sustaining way. Realizing that with every breath I take God loves me and forgives me and forgets what I have done, is the biggest relief that I can describe. I think in a sense, faith can be described as; the absence of worrying. Something that I need to work on. With the realization and faith that God has an ultimate plan, I need to trust in that plan, and while seeking after this plan my worrying will just fall to the wayside. My faith takes the place of my worrying. Now I'm not saying that I will never worry again, that is just silly, but when I do worry, I will seek earnestly for the answer and comfort that I know God will provide. It's funny to look back at some of the things that I worry about or did worry about. The things you worry about are the things that you think about and focus on the most, they become your priorities. So in all honesty when you worry, you take your eyes off of God, and put something before Him. So why is it so easy to worry about things of this world that will surely die, and not worry about our relationship with God who is eternal and will live forever? God is the that relief to all our worries and stress. He is the feeling that we get when something is taken off our shoulders, but with Him it last forever, and not just till the next problem or assignment arrives. I pray that I never lose sight of that. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

New Beginning

So I don't know if I woke up on the RIGHT side of the bed or what, but today feels great. After thinking about what I have been going through the past few weeks, and even reading my blog from last night I realized how stupid and selfish I am being. I think way to much about myself and how I'm feeling, instead of thinking about God and how I make him feel. So today I decided it would be a day of new beginnings, I'm gonna start over with friendships, my relationship with God, and my outlook on myself. Now obviously this isn't going to happen all at once or even be sustained constantly, but the idea is that now I'm working on it and will continue working on it. Instead of working on it for a little bit, get distracted and quit. So as of right now I'm in a great mood (except the pain in my knee from baseball workouts), and I plan on staying in this mood, even though I have a ton of homework and a stress filled week. I know God is the only reason I feel this way, and I know He is the only way that I will continue to feel this way. So here is to new beginnings. Isaiah 1:18-20.

First One

Ok so this is my first one and I'm not sure what I'm suppose to say, but I feel like I need to vent a little bit so here we go:

1. I'm not in a good place right now, I'm really angry and just upset. It's doesn't really have to do with anybody or anything in particular. It's more just I'm upset with myself.

2. My relationship with God is suffering, and I coming to the realization that it's because of this that all of my other relationships are suffering as well, if not ending.

3. I write poetry, and it's really never really about anybody in particular, it usually has to do with a lot of things that are going on with me at that moment. Somebody might spark one, but I don't really think I have written one for somebody or about somebody.

4. I came to the realization that I have become the very thing that I don't want to be, and that is fake. I always hated fake people, and I have come to realize that I have over a long period of time become fake myself. I think it's more out of insecurity and self-doubt but all the same it still makes me fake.

5. This is a lot of depth for the first blog but I don't think anybody is going to read it anyways.

6. Saw the worst movie ever tonight "Gamer" hated it. Probably in the top 5, maybe 3, or 2 worst movies ever.

7. I'm going to bed, because I have to work tomorrow. So starts my week, which will surely be a busy one. I will try to keep this updated every so often. But who knows. I don't usually have much to say, as you can tell. Goodnight.